what’s the difference between the front desk of violas and the back desk of violas?
about a semitone/about a beat and a half

did you hear the one about the viola section who played in tune?
no neither did I

did you hear the one about the viola player who claimed he could play hemi-demi-semiquavers?
the violins didn’t believe him, so he played one.

what’s the similarity between lightning and a viola player’s fingers?
neither strike in the same place twice.

what’s the similarity between the beatles and the viola section in a top symphony orchestra?
neither have played together for forty years.

why do you always see viola players standing outside their houses looking sheepish?
because they’ve forgotten the key and they don’t know when to come in.

how can you tell when a viola’s playing out of tune?
the bow’s moving.

what do you call 20,000 violas at the bottom of the sea?
a good start.

why are viola players afraid of the karma sutra?
all those positions…

what’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
you take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

what’s better, a half size viola or a full size viola?
full size- it burns longer.